Adrift

     I look up and suddenly its as if I'm bathed in an inky black haze. It's like standing on the edge of the ocean at night as a storm is coming in. I can sense the enormity of it stretching out in front of me. The sense of loss and misdirection overwhelming in the moment I realize how insignificant I am in contrast. The understanding that I have no connections to anyone else comes crashing in like the waves. The reality of truly being alone on the edge of every thing.
      
     The black haze surrounds me. My friends and loved ones are now shades around me, shapes void of features vaguely human only slightly brighter than the darkness that is so thick and heavy on my skin. They seem to give off just enough heat to be alive but not quite enough to draw me in any longer
    
     Sometime I get lucky and find a beacon in the darkness. Not a true light of life that allows me to find my way home but another beacon like myself. We drift to each other, moths to a flame. There is some solace in our passing. A hollow joy in knowing that someone might understand being lost. These are times we try so hard to hold onto as they seem so few and far.
     
     There is life exchanged between the beacons like some kind of long forgotten currency. It buys smiles and understanding, sometimes in buys strength. The strength is never enough to live on but if we are lucky it buys enough to last until the next meeting.
     
     So there I am drowning and drifting in the haze of alone. They smile at me. I know the routine, I nod and laugh, play the game. I'm drifting between beacons now. The shore is long behind me and no where to be found in front. Its OK, I never was one for land anyway. It always seems so abstract a concept. Truth as it is never suited me, never left me feeling safe. I prefer the absence of sanity. Its always easier to hide in the holes I created in reality.

Chess

The name of the game has change but the face is the same

broken and beaten red blood stained

the backs of the broken poor

forward progress made off those of whom no credit given

slaves and miscreants

trades stolen all taken

beyond the wars and the limits of imagination

are the silent tears of mass incineration

hatred breeds evil contempt

love what was and can never be kept

That's hearts and knowledge

strain the chains of misinformation

taken what's free

liberty and desperation

because of the truth that hidden

What right do I have to stand and judge?

I try to talk about positive growth, strength, and truth, but the truth is that I don't know.  I want to believe in better for us.  I want to believe that we can be more and obtain greater that we are, but sometimes it seems that that can't be.  It seems that we can't rise above the natures of what we are, the animalistic base of our existence.  So what do I do?  

How do I look you in the eyes and tell you that tomorrow can be better than today and not feel the metallic taste of doubt in my own mouth?  How do I breathe life into the child of myself and not feel anything but fear that I've handed a broken and un-repairable life to this person, this generation of future possibilities, this beginning of ends and ends of beginnings?  

How do I look at the youth of tomorrow and say to them that it's okay, that you can become more than what I was and what we were.

That the life in the universe itself will bow to your will if you let it. If you just hold it gently in your open palms, you don’t need to grasp in in your clenched hand. The gentler you are with it the more it will yield to you, but the harder your fists and the harder your heart the more it will deflect, the more it will push you away, push you back.

So hold it not with your teeth but with your arms. Don't treat it harshly.  Treat it kindly.  Kill it with kindness as the words that I been told my whole life and I don't know how to put into place.  But I hear them in everything that I do.  In the back of my mind with everything that I can say, and see, taste, and touch.  I hear kill it with kindness.  Gentle be gentle, because that's what will bring you into the future.  

You rise up against the forces of what are with violence and hatred, and fear and ignorance, but those are the tools that have been used for decades, centuries, and millennium to beat you down into what you are today. And so you cannot fight violence with violence you cannot ultimately win the battles that are before you if you stand up with fists clenched. Power corrupts and evil ways are familiar with evil tactics.

The cold, lost, and damned know how to use wars and people and guns and fists and knives.  They know how to manipulate the mind with fear and hurt.  They know how to control you with acts of evil and hatred.  They keep you tied with greed and desire and so the only way to free yourself and us is to combat it with true knowledge and understanding.

You can defeat them by letting go of your desire to stand above your own humanity. Stand peaceful for true equality.  They can’t understand sacrificing for the greater good. To give yourself selflessly so that others may make progress. They can never understand giving when they only know how to take.  

A creature of dark cannot abide the light. Darkness is not a true and tangible thing. It is merely the absence of light. Just as cold is the absence of heat. Fill your world with light and you shall stand for each and every breath that another has had taken from them. Create warmth in your world and together you shall ignite the fires of the entire universe.  You can triumph through peace and understanding, through acceptance and love.

Hold yourselves up to that mirror and look not into their eyes, but into your own. See what comes back. See what stares you down.   Can you face what your fear is?  Can you face yourself?  Can you face the unknown?  And only then, and then alone, can you stand and be triumphant in the battles.  You can tear down days and weeks and hours and years of oppression.  You can tear down the walls of imagination itself if you can be peaceful in your own mind and heart.  But you must be willing to stand, that is the first step.  If all that you do is lay down then all you can be is stepped on, trampled over.

That’s what they do.  They keep you complacent with drugs, and money, greed, sex, lies and videotapes.  They keep it hateful and hurtful and watchful and resentful. They keep you chained in shackles, imaginary cages, and fake bonds of illusion. The jails of your own mind have cells of ignorance and doubt.  They make you believe their power is above yours.  When the truth stands that yours is above them.  They rely on you, you don't rely on them.  Allow not your oppressors to hold you against your will and to force you into the corners of doubt.

I know that it will be hard. I know that blood will be soiled. Hopefully with peace and understanding that becomes less and less.  Hopes are that the rivers of blood can turn to a stream and then a trickle to a drop. That is all that I can give you, all that I can take.    It is everything inside and everything that will break in your minds and my hearts.  The bones and the wills, the weak and the strong and in the end it will be dust. Dust will it become.  From it we were raised, not just the dust of the earth, but from the dust of the cosmos. The very bonding agents of the universe itself are what created us.

Death and rebirth.

Life and death.  

The cycle of eternity.

One is a powerful number

        So often we forget the power of one. One has the strength to stand for many even when many may stand for none. One Voice can bring broken people to their feet or bring whole institutions to their knees. Don't forget the ability to stand for truth when it seems only lies prevail.  When it seems that life as it stands hold you close to pain or hurt you can be stronger than it. You can stand for more than that, to stand for those who find only themselves in the dark. Reach out and take hold of those less virtuose. Be of better mind and body than those who would only take away. We do it because we have to. Because we were born to it and we know only that way. We stand for honesty and justice, for hard times and sorrow, we stand and move forward if only to find the paths that lead out of the darkness.

        Our rights and ownership of our beliefs belong to no one but ourselves. When we forget the free mind we only lock ourselves into cages. You can leave your prisons at any time if you so believe. Don't let thieves and liars coerce your directions. When they cut out a man's tongue, they are not proving him a liar, they are only telling the world they are afraid of what he may say. Beware those who strive to censor your views as those who have only their own interests at heart. Be more than words, more than letters on a page. Be an example of possibilities and hopeful futures.

When doubt crowds your ability to move forward

The compass of hope will always spin freely when caught between the pull of your indecision and desires.  It is not until you steady your heart and your hands that the compass can settle its needle in the direction to go. Do not rely solely on the compass to guide your path however for it can only guide you in what direction to travel not in which path to take in your journey.

As I get older and less sure

Jesus what to say

When its comes so hard to speak the words in my head have I gone too far past myself? I feel like sometimes I've drifted so far from the person I used to be. Where once I was fierce and dedicated to what I believed my truths were. I thought quickly, by which I mean things came to my mind rapidly. They were radical and sharp thoughts. Things I was told time and again were different than what people were used to hearing. I liked how smart it made me feel. I could compose and write or at least it felt like I could.

Now I stumble over basic elements that seems to once be like second nature. I don't know if these actions are because I've grown older or because I've been led down someone else's path. I am now constantly reminded that I need to not fight things as much and to just give in. That I cant change the world or that somethings just aren't worth fighting for.

I cant believe that. If I give an inch I might as well give a mile. I have to stand for whats right and just. It doesn't matter if people around me have given up, whether through their own ignorance or just from being beat down by the systems around them. When we start allowing the institutions around us to prosper, not because of true forward progression that benefits all man but through the blood and on the backs of those that are nothing more than grinding cogs in the wheels of a supposed free market then we have truly lost touch with our own humanity.

I dont stand against commerce and the right to work and live. I stand against the policies that limit movement. No matter how small they may be. Even if it only limits one group and not others. I have to stand for them. When something doesn't  directly affect a person they tend to not care less when it does affect another. They are less likely to stand against the evil that is in the situation. I cant do that. Whether its a direct violation of me and my beliefs or not I stand for what is in question regardless.

This has not made me popular over the years, nor has it allowed as much forward progression in the life I have chosen. One day I will die. One day this world as I know it will cease, all the blood I have spilled and all the fights I caused will mean no more than they did before I was born. I will not be remembered and I will leave no imprint. It is only fools and the very arrogant that believe they will be remembered for ever. Time has shown us that while a name may survive the actions associated with that name will be lost and skewed. Eventually even the most featured names are erased with the sands of time.

This is not my concern however. I don't expect to live forever nor do I feel a need to be held onto after I'm gone. I have one life and one chance to live as I deem fit. I have to wake up with my head, heart and soul and I in turn must sleep with the same. I have to go through this life not with friends and family but alone. Everyone ultimately is. We may have our loved ones by our side through our journeys but the truth of who we are is ours alone to carry. So I know that when its said and done I have to carry my own burdens. So I will continue to be who I am and try my best not to linger to long when I stumble over the basic elements that were once so easy to maneuver  I will go to sleep with my conscious as clear as I can possibly make it. And hopefully when I die I can do so clean.

Twice upon a time

If there ever was a time to wake
Play the games to avoid deaths stare
We are the truth
Loves eternal hold
Guide us to our final place
Will it be enough
It has to bring the heart to hand
The soul remains
Must be cleansed pure
Returned to where it started from

Nightmares and Dreamscapes

I woke once in an Ice cold sweat

I began my journey then

Begging for forgiveness

Repenting for my sins

I traveled over the valleys of my soul

I wander upon them still

Redemption comes not to me

This man remains a fool

A prisoner trapped inside my destiny

I wont come upon an end

So I scream to empty skies

Hollow words to Judging eyes

My truths ring lies upon my hearts stony cliffs

My heart's rock sends back no replies

So I climbed the mountains of my mistakes

And come always to walls

When a man climbs beyond his means

All that's lefts to fall

I swim across an endless sea

Salty from my tears

And from the depths far below I swim from year to year

Swift I move but still to slow

All choices made will catch me unprepared

Memories haunt the darkened glades

Remind me of my faults

Broken now I bend my will

And ask you take me in

Shelter from the raging storm

I burn within my frozen heart and cast away your skin

Touch me not

Lest you catch this sickness that hides within

Let me pay the debts I owe

Let the light back in

Yet I fear the cost to much to give

That I cant make the bill

Ask however that I try

And that for once perchance that this time I wont fail

Demons in a Doughnut Shop

Silence so loud
lift the shroud that covered your eyes
muzzle flashes fire and you hear the cries
he pulls the sword from his belt
severs the five heads of the beast
burning into your heart
leaving the scars fresh on your heart
love what once was
what will never be free to see
let it all lie
keep it close don't let it die
tears flow
thick as the sacrificial goats blood in the rivers
to flood the fields
crimson in the setting sun
to be the end of all we know
everything as it once was
nothing to be as it ever seems

Unfinished Time wasters

Lets take a look at the world, at the life in it. Lets step back away from ourselves. From our own private situations. Lets look at the "big picture" if you will. Let me show you whats really going on. Now some may call me cynical or negative but I beg to you to let me explain all that is about to be revealed before you pass judgement. Let's start small, to the corner.

Its Saturday night, the moons out and the stars are shining. Although you wouldn't know that looking at the sky, This is the City. The only stars you see here are the ones that occasionally wander down from their castles in the hills. Its warm enough to go without a coat but the air is till chill enough that all but the young and trendy have to wear pants.

Why don't you tell me?

When it all kicks in and hits you
When it leaves you with that false grin
You'll know much better than I
What makes up you and your own sins
You smile to my face
You laugh to my back
You force my heart
The war rages on
My defenses are up
But what do I have after the battle is done?
What then do I live for?
Where is my sun?
Its just as cold and miserable

10,000

I have 10,000 ways to say I love you
But cannot find the words
I have 10,000 ways to love you back
but cannot find the tears

I run from you 10,000 times
but cannot find the pathway back
I return to you 10,000 times
but cannot look you in the eyes

My heart beats 10,000 times
but no warmer does it grow
Finally I shed 10,000 tears
But away i'm washed from you upon thier salty river

If it all is, Then why isn't it?

They say the world moves on

     and we move on with it

But what do you do when everything seems to be standing still?

     What do you do when the pain just sits around?

I hide waiting for it to pounce

     When it does you better not flinch

But how are we to stop it when its pain to live

    And damnation to die

You smile with your lips

    But lie with your eyes 

Because it comes to mind in bits and pieces

My past wants to swallow me whole

      It's a demon and hungry

I try so hard to hold it back

      I'm not so sure I want to anymore

The emptiness it brings to me upon it's breath



Where is now? Where was it then?
    Has it become one and the same?
A jumping point to the end
 
 Because it's just the sum of it all
I don't want to be the sum of all my parts
    I want to be greater than the whole
Love for what remains for the light out in the cold
    There's so much more to what we are
You're bigger than your fears
    I love you for your flaws
For each and every scar you bear
    Stand at the edge of all you know
Scream into the Void as it rages around you

What is now? What was it then?
    Has it become one and the same?
A jumping point to the end

Can you forgive the mistakes?
    I don't think I can
I don't mean the ones you've made
    I've let them go before they began
The mistake I've laid at the feet of the ones I loved
    Those I just cant let go
I hold onto them like dirty treasures
    Stand holding them and hating what they are

I'm trying to damn hard to make the words mean something
    But all it is cant stand
For something from nothing
    And it always means nothing
Empty words for forgotten times
    I used to believe in what was between the lines
But now I wonder if they were just blank spaces after all.

 

When its time to refuel

Something needs to give I cant keep this up much longer

      Every day I wake its a fight to stay

A 10 minute battle between love and hate

         It's draining and I'm almost empty



It's time to change, time to grow

        what I've been is all I know

I want more than what I am

I'm not a song writer

But why do I have to be?

Rifts in Time and Space

Welcome to where time flows backwards

Welcome to where it snows in June

A vague disturbed upon waking

Nothing remains as it seems

Ripped and stretched

Stitches remake a worn and tired skin

Torn asunder and scarred by imaginary sins

Brought back into life anew

Returning souls from where they begin

Your time will come

As time slips by like blood from a vein things go on and minds slip again. When we look back what will we see, reflections that were or visions to be? Another notch in our belts horizons gone by possibilities arisen limits the sky but what to be done when truth is a lie

Built and bred live to dead

Foot in grave nothing in head

Raised a fool blind and deaf

Misshapen man bent and bereft

I want to be strong for you

Stand tall and proud for you

Let you know a better day is just tomorrow

Have your own path instead of just follow

A man is made through sweat and fears

And blood that’s given through the years

Don’t cry for change dry your tears

Your time will come

Be brave and stand tall

Both guns blazing you can have it all

Your tower awaits

In your path it will fall

Worry not my son you will hear its call

Your time will come

When at last you find your way

Hear the voices do not sway

Steady your hand and heart and soul

Shout the names you have come to know

Stand for the ones who have no legs

Live for the ones who seemed so dead

Your time will come

Welcome to my Handwriting part II & III

                Welcome to my handwriting part II

I’ve a million words to write

But can never find the time

They wouldn’t matter anyway

Don’t pay me any mind

I’m to wrapped up inside myself

To lost to get on out

In any timely fashion

It’s all sighs

Sighs of relief

No one holds a bit in their hands

You can’t hold what isn’t there

It’s all an illusion

Smoke, mirrors and spit

Fabrications are made

The bounty is split

See my friend you have all the time you need

Time is one of those illusions

It never does exist

The past is gone never to come back

The future hasn’t happened it’s just a shadow in the dark

All there is, is now, and it’s slipping fast away

No time like the present

Isn’t that what they say?

So for only a moment

Just the blink of an eye

                Welcome to my handwriting part III

Pretend just once

Lie and say you are mine

I need you like I need relief

It’s got a touch of indecision

And a hint of crying eyes

But alas I cannot bleed no more

So a stitch here and a band aid there

And pretty soon the leaking stops

But the pain it doesn’t go away

So I pile it high with rage

And begin to eat myself from the inside out

But its gonna get better

It does a little everyday

You left me long ago

To face things on my own

Well ill tell you what

I’ve been living long with both eyes closed

I’m trying to open them now

But they are weak and rusty with misuse

My heart is finally beating

But it seemed to take a lot of hurt

23 years and not a moment too soon

Welcome To My Handwriting part I

I sit here alone

The TV down low

I forget things I once did know

I want the pain to just go away

So I can sleep another day

Because in sleep things fade away

I’m at peace in shades of grey

I awaken with the tide

To prowl the night

Just another lost shadow

Which will fall prey to the light

But the pain still remains

A role of reminder it plays

And brings me back to days of old

When I was young and fresh out of mould

Before the years of hurt and wear

Could dull the mind and bring hatred to bear

Now the tumor of what is to be

Grows and spreads and consumes me

No operation can set me free

I’m dammed for all eternity

Soon the rest of you will see

As you stare down that deep dark hole

What ails us all

Is cancer of the soul

Wake Up

Wake up...the new world awaits, Become the sun of souls and shine down on those around you today...Warm the hearts that stand before you so that the seeds of love which have been planted may sprout. Rise like the sun and bring enlightenment and truth to the poor and dumb that have hidden in the shadows and become like the very creatures with which they dwell, subverted and blind.  Stand tall in the horizon of life and cast your arms about and touch all you see. Leave nothing take it all...Wake up

Time Backwards Rolls

It’s been a long time oh so long

Since I've traveled back

                Back down the roads to my heart

How over grown and shady they've become

                Now there’s moss on every stone

I've kept away so many years

                Left thing unattended

Given in to so many fears

                It’s been a time oh so long

Since I've traced the tracks of my tears

                I've lived through a drought

My eyes have been dry far too many years

                But a floods gonna come

Wash away the dirt

                It’s got to be done

I need it to happen

                I need to be clean

It’s been a long time oh so long

                Since I've lived and loved

Long so long since I stood my ground

                I make all my choices the easy way out

I've run my last breath

                My lungs collapsing

                

Talismans of Truth

These truths that we hold to be self evident may not be as self evident after all. Rights, What ARE rights? How does anyone remove a person’s rights? I don't feel they can. No one but ourselves can remove from our possession the freedoms instilled upon us. You tell me the government is infringing upon the rights of Americans....Well to this I say that Americans are themselves infringing upon their own rights, That NO government or other outside influence can remove any right that we as individuals are not willing to give up. You say the bill of rights is being compromised. I say you cannot compromise something that is only a representation of a truth. The Bill of Rights is nothing more than a Talisman, It stands as a physical symbol for something that on its own is metaphysical. It is only a reminder to people, ALL people, Americans and non Americans alike, that we are born with powers and abilities that unless given up on an individual level can never be truly removed.

I feel that even in death our basic rights of free speech, opinion, and choice are not taken. For They don’t disappear with our passing. They remain for the next individual to pick up and use from birth to death. The only way for your rights to be taken from you are for you to stop using them. Once you buy into the deceit that you can be controlled by any agency, when you forget that only you can act for yourself and allow outside forces to manipulate you into making choices other than your own. Then you have given away your rights and have lost what you were born with, what we ALL are born with. Every person in the world is born with the ability to think, choose, do, say, express, act however they want. As long as we exercise these actions on some level we are free.

A person tells you not to shout, you shout anyway..that's your right in action. You are exerting your freedom. A person tells you not to shout you feel that they can command you not to so you don't...you gave up your right. They didn't take it..they couldn't stop you from expressing yourself. What if they gag me you might ask, didn't they take my right then? NO..if you cant shout then clap your hands, they cut off your hands, stomp your feet, cut off your feet wiggle your body, they kill you...As I said before your right wasn't taken in death..taken implies it no longer exists. But it is still there for someone else to take up a cause.

Resistance and Freedom

The people who fuel the movement are those who continue to hope long after the rest have died inside, It’s that hope, that glimmer of a better tomorrow, that will allow us to go on long after the rest have given in and bowed down. It takes far more courage to keep hoping for a better way when faced with the thorns of resistance than to lie beneath the bushes and let the stronger ones tread over you

Textbooks

                A deception of education mind control devastation rule the world population knowledge is key for minds to stay free don’t let doors lock lost all the keys wake up and see crises core days members unite let the fire ignite tempers explode like bombs short fused no one remains that the foolish fool globalize debt recreate sets of minds that run in circles dizzy changes war can be waged in  several ranges humans revolt  people unite allowing yourselves new ways to fight kill it with kindness  stepping from shadow into the light love conquers hate with new power create new waves of energy portions for all learn to stand on your own or alone we shall fall a voice by itself may just be a whisper as a chorus we rise and barriers shatter let in the rain no one remains we need numbers not relief from the pain from mistakes ashes new days are born homes inside ourselves reality fabrics torn new dimensions cross truth and honesty form

Summer Thoughts and Winter Hearts

I want to be the sun to your garden and make sure you have the light to gain the strength  

But I’m also worried that like the sun, I will get to hot and that means I stand the chance of doing more harm than good 

In other words that I over expose you to me, and make you want to draw back into shade 

I’m not growing in the dark and I need some sun...  

So you are my sun.. And I want to have as much of it as I can 

As much as you can is the key  

I know when I’m getting a sun burn... and right now im as pale as they come 

I worry sometimes I speak to direct, and give more than I should too fast. 

Riddles and Games

Riddles and games

Your mind they will frame

And lock behind a closed door

They poke and they prod

You mumble and nod

Not knowing you lost your way

It’s not your fault

Oh we all know that

But you sat on your ass

Let the rich men get fat

Hey what did you have to lose?

You’ve grown ugly and old

And there’s a gaping hole

In what remains of your immortal remains

So kids what have we learned?

If you sit on your butt

While the corporate slut

Decides to take over your life

Don’t cry or complain

Or beg to explain

Cause in the end you all burn

Remove the Blocks From My Minds Eye

                When the universe implodes and the very quick slow down the things we hold dear are all gonna hit the deck and once more we will all stand tall but it’s just a fable your stories are told the gunslingers are dead and the wordslingers are mute its last call and every well is dry

                I miss you most of all he said, well then why didn’t you show up more often? Iunno, you know how it gets, things get busy time slips by he said

                Nausea rises to the forefront of time and space, space is what you make it and time is what you tell of it

Reflections of an Inner Mind

It spins the world inside your head

It spins you float and now you’re dead

The music plays won’t leave it stays

The knob it seems is switched to on

New doors open unlocked it seems

But if only in your dreams

Do they let you be free?

Free for all eternity

Some marked with this some marked with that

Some marked with nothing the face smooth and flat

You walk down the dark halls to the misty light

You see things from your mind’s eye

Things that run and hide

The light grows bright burns your skin

Burns away your mortal sin

To steal your soul to steal what’s free

Something that can never be

It’s like a dream you walk but things aren’t as they seem

You’re not supposed to be in this scheme

Another door opens let’s look inside

Look at the poor and helpless guy

He’s going to die watch him cry kill the guy let him die

Destroy the dignity inside rip apart the false pride

Tell the ultimate lie feel his hatred swell

Yes what’s this you smell...

Pathways to Tomorrow

People unknowing

Reaping and sowing

A lie they want to believe

It fills in the hole that’s rotting their soul

Gives them the strength to go on

The will to believe is something to heed

That’s the only way to break into the truth

Oppression

Making waves

Crashing ships

Tight wound lives

Crushing lips

Teeth bared

 Fists are clenched

Times are changed

Turn poor to rich

Evil days

Evil ways

Good turned to stone

Peace left alone

Rot inside out

Strip flesh from bone

One prideful mind

Leave well enough alone

No more minds allowed to think

Prey on the stupid lost and weak

Paths are closed

Highways built

Live to breath

Live to die

Mirrors and Magnifying Glasses

It’s where it always was. From here where I sit it’s the Grand Canyon, but if we pull back it’s only a tiny crack, just a split hair. Maybe it’s just a canyon to me because fear has a way of magnifying every nuance in the corridors of our minds

Luggage

I walk this world with a heavy heart

Through words that sting and cut

                Alone I travel upon a crooked path

Hiding tears behind this mask

                Shatter this the porcelain face

Travel through time sound and space

                Happiness breaks through blinding light

Find one more reason to struggle past this fight

                But do not follow for might not lead

Instead walk beside me and just be

                Path no longer broken bad

Flat blacktop stretches on ahead

                Its now over

Time to close this day

                Thought id something more to say 

Love

Love

                I ache the time we are apart. The movement of my life relies on you as a pendulum. The seconds seem like minutes the minutes seem like days. I long for just a touch just a fragment of yourself. I die within embraces and am reborn within your arms. Blinded by your silhouette burned upon my lips. My fear is that you will learn my true intentions. My heart beats not without your love to guide it. A picture's worth a thousand words so a thought of you is a scrapbook.

Journey of the Soul

Before I met her I was mostly down

I traveled this world with only a frown

When we talked for awhile I found it easy to smile

I was alone

So was she

I needed her

She needed me

Her heart is as golden as the sweetest nectar of the bees

She is as beautiful as a sunset reflecting off the calmest of lakes on the last day of summer

Her runs in dark rivulets taken that seem taken from old mother night herself

Her eyes are sparks of stars on the clearest of evenings

When she turns her gaze unto me a comet sails across my heart and my eyes cloud of visions of what’s to be

Fresh Starts

                A new blank page

Like a new blank day

                A cloudless sky

A warm breeze blows bye

                And on and on we go

The phone lay quiet

                The television died

All that’s left must be separated

Pull the truth apart from lies

And all is well that ends as well

                That’s where we are after all

The beginning of the end

                The end of the beginning

I burned my dinner yesterday

                And watched as my good intentions went with it

I try my damned hardest

                But always seem to fail

Used to be id look in the mirror

                And hated what I see

Now it’s only when I look inside

                I feel so grotesquely

Fatal Axis

it’s all decided on an axis of fate, it wobbles in its orbit around what is casually know as "our lives" which in reality is a well orchestrated pension plan for many men in high places, watching over us with the strings to everything in their hands we have to cut those string even if it means some of us are hung by them if we don’t then they will surely strangle us all instead of just the few redemption is my only option now we all have a dept to pay and I’m so scared mine is more than I can cover I have other peoples hurt in my hands, I’ve tainted to many souls and will have to pay dearly for every one nothing will make sense if my dreams don’t come but so often the dreams turn cold and un yielding to the cruelty of reality because of these twists I ask of them forgiveness I get only the deafening silence of my tortured screams as I wake in a pool of my own sweat and tears

Explanations

                Their demeanor is meaner

And getting worse by the day

                With tricks of their trade

Your mind they do play

                They fool you into thinking tomorrows today

So a step ahead they always can stay

                They want you to think there’s no time for it all

The problems to big

                You are to small

                I can’t explain the pain away

                I can’t explain the rain

                I can’t explain how to bring a new and better day

                I can’t explain agendas

                I can’t explain the plans

                I can however explain to you

                It touches each and every man

                The answers there we just have to look

                And explain it to each other

If you can get madder, leaner, and meaner

                And break the hold, Get up off your knees

If you can open your eyes sooner than latter

                You can find doors unlocked and you have all the keys

The voices are yelling

                The chorus is swelling

The broken and beaten

                Are healing and mending

The waters are churning

                The storms are brewing

And soon the lightning will strike

               

Dial Tones

I dial the number but it won’t go through

All my days spent reaching for you

I’m so tired so weary and spent

Always believed love was heaven sent

A hopeless romantic

Frightened and frantic

Destined to wander alone

Lonely and cold

Feeling so old

With pain that cuts to the bone

Helpless I hide from

Feelings inside

Demons that won’t be denied

So I turn to my love

As I pray to above

I’ll see more then

Shadow at my side

But alas I turn

And ache and burn

From a heart that’s crumbling inside

So alone I walk

My road my life my lie

Debts Owed

We always seem to meet the person of our dreams when we are involved with someone else, my mind always draws blank when I need to rise to the occasion the most, do you believe in love at first sight? Love is a special occasion to be celebrated, I met a sad and lonely girl who only smiled in the dark because it was there and there alone she felt safe enough to let her defenses down. Let’s take a look at the world, at the life in it. Let’s step back away from ourselves from our own private situations. Let’s look at the “big picture” if you will. Let me show you what’s REALLY going on. Now some may call me cynical or negative but beg to you let me explain all that is about to be revealed. Let’s start small

They say the world moves on and we move on with it

But what do you do when everything seems to be standing still

What do you do when the pain just sits around?

It hides in wait to pounce at a given time

But don’t you flinch no you had better not cry

But how are we to stop it

When its pain to live and damnation to die

You smile with your lips but lie with your eyes

Well I don’t know what to do

I got choices that need choosing

And indecision eating me

Lord I just don’t know what to do

Let it Roll

Dan the man

Walkin down the street

Movin his body to the natural beat

He hears the music in the air

Knows its comin doesn't care

Thunder in the clouds is the bass

See it reflected in his face

See it goin see it come

Be he doesn't know where its from

Cars going by are the lead

Seems its hungry

Wants to feed

Cosmosis

Although we all grow up to fade away

                Our shadows stay behind to grow long with another day

Sky stretched out far beyond our reach

                Stars collide with lessons to teach

Galaxies here and gone in the blink of an eye    

                And yet survive past our day to die

Conflictions

I am simplistically complex

I am a lover and a hater

I am genuine and a faker

I am pretty pretty ugly

I will hold you close and cast you out

I hold your gaze while I pout

I am fearless while I shake with fear

I am nothing but the world revolves around me

I love you all but hate your guts

I am perfectly sane and incredibly nuts

I am hard yet soft as down

I am cold and burn inside

I am sad but my eyes remain dry

I am dead but you see me walk

I am lonely surrounded by friends

I am alone in a sea of faces

I am religious and forsake my God

I am caring but offer no help

I am an asshole with a heart of gold

I am evil I am a man

I am simplisticly complex

Come Kiss My Mind

Shall we take a journey of words and phrases? Where each syllable is a new building to explore, the periods being the stop signs and traffic lights. Each hyphen a crosswalk into another block of thoughts and ideas? Would you like to climb the sky scrapers of my mind, and play in the empty lots that are the commas and misspellings? Come my child welcome to the city of change. Population as many as you can count and growing. We have all sorts of flavors and treats. Be wary the criminals called deceit and doubt. They corner you and steal away what sense you have. Force not the path of enlightenment, instead take heed in heart of hearts and know that all things may come to fruit with proper tending

Coals to Diamonds and Back

When it opens

Opens upon your blackness

                Will you let yourself fall

Fall into darkness

                Beyond the void

Dreams may remain

                Impossible dreams

Sanity you can’t maintain

Thoughts become stone

                Heart becomes glass

Diamonds of souls

                uncompressed create coals

Burnout

                From fire to ash

Lives like house in storms

                Shelters beaten and torn

Light my path

                Let your light warm my face

Shelter is all in your words

                And with the arms you embrace

Miles I've walked

                Barefoot and sore

Windows are dark

                Locked are your doors

               

You speak in tongues

                Quote lies that are key

If its all truth

                I have a chance to be free

If you mean what you say

                Then why cant you stay

Why do you push

                And cast me away

Speech drew me in

                My tears you did shed

My heart you beat

                And broke and bled 

Broken Promises

Should I get anything but what I’ve given? This is all crap I’ve said before, nothing new here. Sorry

                Flowers grow from the darkest depths of our love and the fear we have is sorry to create a life beyond the limits of our imagination so we take a walk down a long cold path and come to a clearing and part the fog that covers our eyes but nothing can prepare the blood for the injection when the antidote is applied a fifty megaton bomb dropped on a soul corrupt but for the spot placed there by light getting through the pin holes punched by falling stars burning of temptation nothing will be the same once the question is asked its impossible not to be held accountable for knowledge even when it’s supposed to end we find were back where we began but we look around and notice the pictures are out of alignment just like our intentions for the best but we try our easiest and cry when things zig then we go down to the depth of the mind that thinks slowest but the most and damnation takes hold and leaves marks that will always heal but never leave abandonment of an inner child is something to laugh at cause we all grow old and out the fatter we get the more we want and the more we  gain the less we have the more we try to stay the further the world moves on and because of displacement of time and space a stranger can only welcome a soul

                If I told you that I had all the answers

If I said I had the question

                Would you listen to the words

Or would you see right through me

                I’m empty and I don’t know what to do

I’m scared and want to blame it all on you

                Fill me up please take away the pain

I want a purpose and slowly feel I’m going insane

                Please all I ask is you love me back

I’m begging you please to have my back

                My words are simple my thoughts complex

I beg of a light a hint of what to do next

                All concepts change

Hey baby just ask for it and you shall receive

                No one can deny your love or your happiness

Just ask and so you shall receive all of your forgiveness

                A question posed a wandering man, you tell me where you are and I’ll tell you where you stand

The doubts posed a mortal mind

                Dwell upon and you will find

Frozen feet and frozen heart

Because of the Masses

Screw this world I’m tired of living

I’m to worn down ragged unwilling

They’ve beaten me so defy every law

I’m the old horse they the last straw

Back broken now, body lay bleeding

Pain pounding in my head just standing there screaming

                They have killed me once before

                They shall kill me ever more

Flash of light behind my eyes

Tears of rage I start to cry

Blackness engulfs everything

I am now unfeeling machine

Heart and soul closed down to all

Don’t give a damn who will take the fall

Balance and all It Encompases

Nothing is of sense, all is of ideas

 Truth is a lie in perceptions we die

 If only inside, within our minds

 Because I tried, I hid and cried

 Another day another way

I played a game

                When it pours it rains

 Lightning hit, the scared shall quit

 Fear controls, no one will know

 It’s the end, the time has come

 I once was lost but now am gone

 Birds and rats, and mice and cats

 Equality is all off balance,

That’s all I know

 Ill end this show,

An Original Tale

                An original tale

Told in a generic way

                Just love me

Just stay

                So nothing is new

Time the greatest illusion

                A collaborate effort

A mortal infusion

                No music to play

No tones to hold

                And that’s what it all burns down to

Dying embers scalding breath

                A extinguished coal cooling in my chest

A special marginally exotic question

                What to do with a closing day

A random string of thoughts

                Placed into an organized line

A Flood Upon Me

 I took a walk today and cried a thousand tears

                I tried to run away you see and ran straight to my fears

I tripped and fell today and cried a thousand tears

                I broke my heart you see it was worn from all the years

I tried to find the pieces and cried a thousand tears

                For you see in all the chaos some seemed to disappear

I tried to mend my heart and cried a thousand tears

                For the fact was that my heart you see I could not repair

I came upon a poor young lass and cried a thousand tears

                Upon her soul I could plainly see all the marks and smears

I took her face within my hands and cried a thousand tears

                And yet the look she returned you see made me want to cheer

I found hope at last and cried a thousand tears

                My heart you see newly formed seemed to reappear

I walked with her a thousand miles and wiped away my tears

                As we traveled through this life you see I could plainly hear

 We made love for a thousand nights and dried up all my tears

                Hear I did and what it was you see was music of the spheres