Jesus what to say
When its comes so hard to speak the words in my head have I gone too far past myself? I feel like sometimes I've drifted so far from the person I used to be. Where once I was fierce and dedicated to what I believed my truths were. I thought quickly, by which I mean things came to my mind rapidly. They were radical and sharp thoughts. Things I was told time and again were different than what people were used to hearing. I liked how smart it made me feel. I could compose and write or at least it felt like I could.
Now I stumble over basic elements that seems to once be like second nature. I don't know if these actions are because I've grown older or because I've been led down someone else's path. I am now constantly reminded that I need to not fight things as much and to just give in. That I cant change the world or that somethings just aren't worth fighting for.
I cant believe that. If I give an inch I might as well give a mile. I have to stand for whats right and just. It doesn't matter if people around me have given up, whether through their own ignorance or just from being beat down by the systems around them. When we start allowing the institutions around us to prosper, not because of true forward progression that benefits all man but through the blood and on the backs of those that are nothing more than grinding cogs in the wheels of a supposed free market then we have truly lost touch with our own humanity.
I dont stand against commerce and the right to work and live. I stand against the policies that limit movement. No matter how small they may be. Even if it only limits one group and not others. I have to stand for them. When something doesn't directly affect a person they tend to not care less when it does affect another. They are less likely to stand against the evil that is in the situation. I cant do that. Whether its a direct violation of me and my beliefs or not I stand for what is in question regardless.
This has not made me popular over the years, nor has it allowed as much forward progression in the life I have chosen. One day I will die. One day this world as I know it will cease, all the blood I have spilled and all the fights I caused will mean no more than they did before I was born. I will not be remembered and I will leave no imprint. It is only fools and the very arrogant that believe they will be remembered for ever. Time has shown us that while a name may survive the actions associated with that name will be lost and skewed. Eventually even the most featured names are erased with the sands of time.
This is not my concern however. I don't expect to live forever nor do I feel a need to be held onto after I'm gone. I have one life and one chance to live as I deem fit. I have to wake up with my head, heart and soul and I in turn must sleep with the same. I have to go through this life not with friends and family but alone. Everyone ultimately is. We may have our loved ones by our side through our journeys but the truth of who we are is ours alone to carry. So I know that when its said and done I have to carry my own burdens. So I will continue to be who I am and try my best not to linger to long when I stumble over the basic elements that were once so easy to maneuver I will go to sleep with my conscious as clear as I can possibly make it. And hopefully when I die I can do so clean.
No comments:
Post a Comment